a long journey . . .
in mother’s clothing
the scent of snow
— Jacob D. Salzer (USA)
(published in Autumn Moon Haiku Journal 7:1, Autumn/Winter 2023)
Commentary by the poet
In this haiku, I primarily wanted to honor my mother and her long Earth journey (and her soul’s journey, if readers are open-minded to past lives and reincarnation). I am also writing about my mother going for a long walk in the snow and carrying the “outside” into the house. The scent of snow in her coat lingers. I’m also recognizing the long journey of falling snow, as snow falls from miles above us to reach the Earth. I hope this haiku can act as a portal for the reader to reflect on their own mother and her unique journey.
Commentary by the other editors
This haiku sounds simple but carries many stories of life’s journey. A long journey describes a period that may last more than a year or a lifetime. But, it signifies the essence of a trip that has ups and downs, and deep personal experiences. The ellipses stop us for a while and let us ponder the various aspects or types of journeys. I see it as a life’s journey that has myriad phases and stages where the person continuously passes through experiences within the self and with other people.
The second line tells us about the traveller but it still doesn’t show whether she is the one who carries the clothing or is having a long journey. It may have two interpretations. One is that she passes through rigorous experiences i.e. departure, separation, illness, loneliness, etc. The second interpretation would be that someone close to her carries her clothes as a possession.
The last line depicts deep feelings, as the smell of snow can mean something went as cold as snow and leaves painful memories. Another aspect can be the smell of a person that comes from the clothes and the poet may take it as the smell of snow, akin to the lingering memories of a loved one. In both cases, the person remains discreet in expressing their feelings and tries to relate those emotions with the scent of snow, which does not make a sound.
Thinking about the seasonal reference in this haiku, “the scent of snow” is clearly directed at winter. However, a residue of snow could mean that winter has passed and that spring has come. So, the poet could be reexperiencing winter in the time of spring. This could symbolize how the poet feels about his mother’s life or even his life reflected by the one that brought him existence.
The two parts of the haiku combine well in that duration is present in each section. “Long” and “scent” both work to illustrate time passing by. “Journey” relates well to the implied cycle of seasons. With our phases as personalities, they can be representative of seasons—though one season can carry remnants of another season in it. The poet could be referring to how memory sticks to our personalities and in direct connection to his mother, it could mean that his mother has memories “too cold” to burn away.
With the punctuation, which delineates the two-part structure of the haiku, the ellipsis illustrates the duration of the journey. It also makes certain that the reader does not inadvertently read the second line as flowing from the first line.
The pacing emulates the traditional rhythm of Japanese haiku without the restriction of the syllabic count, which is often cited as an erroneous method of matching the format of Japanese haiku. The short/long/short practice is closer to the original haiku rhythm.
Looking at the sound, the letter that jumps out at the reader is “o.” Strewn throughout the poem, it gives a sense of elongation with the long syllables. In my opinion, it also heightens the emotional resonance of the subject of the haiku.
The way human life intermixes with nature in this haiku makes it special. It creates pathos and perhaps something verging on the surreal. A relatable, yet transcendent haiku.
Winter Scene by Louis Remy Mignot, 1856
And l want to personally thank Jacob for the lovely opportunity to meditate and feel, as a daughter, the subtle but deep connection to my mother though all the previous reincarnations …Lucia Fontana
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Dear Lucia, Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m glad to hear you connect with this haiku and with your mother on a deep level. – JS
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Dear Jacob, it seams a longer comment l wrote too before didn’t appear…
I’m going to post it again.
Sorry, here it is:
“The way human life intermixes with nature in this haiku makes it special. It creates pathos and perhaps something verging on the surreal. A relatable, yet transcendent haiku.”
Exactly what l felt coming across this delicate and sensorial haiku.
The Proust’s Madeleine effect tells us not just about the mother’s or the snow’s journey … but l guess also about the poet’s one, merging into that natural fragrance likewise the many lives of his mother…as if snow would have an ancestral scent too… The many “o” give to the poem a sacred tone, as a prayer….Touching and surreal indeed! Thanks for sharing it. Well done, dear Nicholas and congrats to Jacob for accomplish such a soft and multilayer-haiku 🙏🏻
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I like this haiku so much. Yes, it can be read in different ways, i read iypt as the mother making a long journal, physically or spiritually, and the snow brings her many memories home to the writer.
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Dear Pris, thank you for sharing your interpretation! I appreciate your point of view. Kind regards, Jacob
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Many thanks to Nicholas Klacsanzky and Hifsa Ashraf for your insightful commentary and for featuring my haiku. With much love & gratitude, – Jacob
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