my mind full of
Presence #52, 2015
© Nicholas Klacsanzky
I chose this haiku for several reasons:
1. It is a great example for other haiku writers to emulate, because it shows the “present” moment and is kept in that verb tense. Clouds are always “being” and they are like a continuous present participle that we can watch, feel, hear, flee from, or sleep under.
2. Nicholas avoids the use of a verb; the verb speaks silently like they do in many of the best haiku. My point is that a writer can imply more than needs to be written when in the haiku genre.
3. As far as verbs go, a good verb can add impact and intensity to the haiku, although we don’t want the haiku to be a drama unless we want to convey the drama, in the haiku way.
4. Nicholas contrasts these clouds with his mind full of broken thoughts and this reflects the motion and present moment of the clouds as well; so we have an insight into a moment he experienced about himself by just noticing some clouds. To me, this is the essence of a fine haiku.
5. There are clean simple lines not burdened by simile, metaphor, adverbs, etc. The one adjective, “broken” reinforces the whole connection to the fragment “spring clouds” and clouds usually are broken, unless something much more dramatic is taking place in Mother Nature that day.
A person can go on for a long time when they have a great haiku to work with and find many layers and subtle meanings. I will just conclude by saying, that this one sure did deserve to be published, as it was in: Presence #52, 2015.
– Edwin Lomere