‘smoke on the water’
© Hannes Froehlich (Germany)
Besides the conciseness of language and the image, I like how Hannes played with the phrase in the second line. If you all don’t know, “smoke on the water” is a famous song by the band Deep Purple. So, the second line can have two meanings: the heron could be hunting while this song is playing, or there is actual smoke on water. The quotation marks around it make it even “lighter,” and adds an intriguing effect.
I also like the relaxed pace of the haiku. Often, poets like to cram as much as they can into haiku (including myself). Hannes goes for simplicity, which is a good lesson for us.
The smoke on the water conceals what the heron is hunting for, and maybe there is something spiritual about it as well. The heron could be hunting itself. We may never know. But that is part of the beauty of haiku.
– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)