how a street becomes
Lovely! This is a time, in my opinion, that a crafty rhyme can slip in with ‘blossoms’ and ‘becomes’…the syntax leads you smoothly through cherry blossoms and how a street ‘becomes’ (smooth sounds) before abruptly stopping you at ‘car-park’.(harsh sounds)
Having ‘a car-park’ on L3 is so abrupt it forces the reader to go back to the top, re-reading and building a clearer image on every reading…love it!
– Brendon Kent (UK)
To add to this, I love the juxtaposition between the two parts. Seeing the similarity in the way cherry blossoms bloom and the way urban streets fill up with cars is a genius insight. It also makes a harmony between the natural world and human technology.
In terms of sound, “blossoms” and “becomes” has both a pleasant “b” and “o” sounds, which increases the beauty of the haiku.
Lohman could have written much more, but chose to be concise, which is key to writing haiku. Writing about small things in a large way, concisely: an essential art to practice for any haiku poet.
– Nicholas Klacsanzky (Ukraine)