the horizon bright
A Hundred Gourds March 2016
Copyright Dave Read
The first thing I noticed was the sound of the haiku. “morning” “commute” “horizon” are connected with an “o” sound, whereas “horizon” and “headlights” have alliteration.
The second thing that caught my eye is how the third line came as a surprise. Reading Dave’s haiku for a while, I can tell that he is a master of third lines– making turns that astonish and intrigue us.
Third lines are often the most important lines in haiku, as they can create layers and imply different things.
For me, Dave’s third line here is about how humankind is replacing the natural world with its own inventions, and kind of canceling out nature. By reading it, we get a feeling of both awe and the dryness of modern life.
On the technical side, each word is used effectively and phrased well to have an effect on the reader. Being laconic (but not to the extreme) is usually a reward of hard work or natural inspiration.
If people have not read through an issue of A Hundred Gourds, I highly recommend it: